What a crazy life!

So as per my usual routine, I suck at keeping this blog updated! Maybe it's because I spend so much time at the computer/keyboard all day for work (medical transcription) and don't want to spend my down time typing away!

A lot has happened in our lives over the last several months. We moved from Utah to Indiana back in August. We lived with my parents for the first 4 months we were while Ryan looked for work. He started working for Brinks Security, but it wasn't the best situation for our family (12+ hour days, no overtime pay, unreliable hours, etc). He quit that and started working for walmart.com through a staffing agency. He was hired on directly as a team lead, and the hours have been great, holiday bonuses were a great addition, and a regular paycheck has been a blessing. When his "probation" period is up through the staffing agency, the people at his work have said that they plan to hire him on for a permanent position because he's such a great employee. He's worked hard and they've noticed! I am so proud of him. This should be a great and reliable job for us for the next period of time until Ryan starts school again. I have still been working for the same company back in Utah, only I'm a contracted employee now instead of an hourly employee.

In December, we finally were at a point financially to look for our own place and we lucky enough to get approved for a townhouse on our first try. It's almost twice as big as our place in Utah which of course is quite exciting! We've got the main floor with a dining room, the kitchen, a half bath, and the living room. Upstairs there are the 2 bedrooms which are both massive (it's great!) and the full bathroom. We also have a basement. It's divided down the middle with a wall. On one side it's carpeted and we call it the basement (or more recently, the "man cave" as Ryan is converting a corner of it for his man space). On the other side of the wall is the washer and dryer as well as our storage space. Eventually we're going to get a work space set up for both Ryan and I. His area will be for his woodworking hobby, etc where as mine will be for cake decorating, sewing, crafting, etc. We're both looking forward to it! Our place is only a mile from my parents' which is super convenient because my mom is our child care. Noah goes over there during the day while Ryan and I are working, and then he comes home when we're done. He loves (usually) playing with his cousins (4 and 1 year old girls) at my mom's house, so that has been fun. His vocabulary has grown a ton spending time with them and it's been a lot of fun to watch. He's such a smart little boy! He keeps us very entertained with all of his antics and fun personality quirks.

Baby #2 is growing healthy and strong, and everything looks right on track with him. I can't believe we're having a second baby in 4 months! It's exciting and overwhelming at the same time! We bought Noah a baby doll for Christmas and it's so fun to watch him with it. He loves rocking it and carrying it around, and has decided that he needs to sleep with it every night. Sometimes he'll sit down and pat the floor next to him, and say "mama! sit! baby!", That's his way of requesting I lay down so he can touch my belly and he can "talk" to baby. But what's funny is that he apparently can't do that with my shirt covering my belly. He makes me pull all my layers up so he can talk to my bare belly. Then when he's all done, he'll start tugging all the layers back down while saying "done". He cracks me up! He's going to be a great big brother.

We were able to spend the holidays with my family, as well as using FaceTime to get in some time with Ryan's family. Noah got a toy kitchen from my in-laws that has been his favorite since he laid eyes on it. He cooks for us multiple times a day. My big gift was a Silhouette Cameo (a craft cutter/printer) that I am SOOO excited about! I can't wait to do all the fun things with it. I've done a few small vinyl projects on it so far and am hooked. Depending on how things go, maybe I'll be able to sell some stuff in the future for a little extra money. Only time will tell. First I've got to figure out how to be a mom to two kids first before even thinking of attempting a small business venture!

Well, until next time!
Amanda

New life, new stroller, new mini diaper bag

Eventually I'll get around to updating the blog about our crazy life, move across the country and how things are now, but not yet. Instead, right now I'm going to talk about 2 things that are making our crazy life just a little bit easier!

When we had Noah, husband just HAD to have a jogging stroller. We used it quite a bit and have really enjoyed it, but man is it big! It's heavy (which was one of my arguments against it....and that I'm not in any way, shape or form a runner!) and takes up a ton of room both in storage as well as in the trunk. In fact, to get it to fit in the trunk of our car we have to remove the wheels which is a pain. So now that we have baby #2 on the way, I told hubby that we needed a lightweight alternative to the jogger. As I always do, I researched all of the available umbrella style strollers in our price range and weighed out the pros and cons for months before finally making a decision. I had some credit built up to Walmart from their "Savings Catcher" on all of our receipts (which if you don't know what that is and you shop at Walmart, you need to ask me about it NOW cause you're missing out!!) and that helped sway our decision towards the Urbini Reversi stroller at Walmart. It didn't have a ton of reviews yet, but I decided to go ahead and give them a try. We love the stroller and I'm so glad we got it! It's got so many fun features and was a great price, even if we didn't have credit to use towards it. I did a video review on it today that I'm posting through YouTube, so if you're curious about it, go check it out here -----> https://youtu.be/a_sdVCOpEl0

One of the downfalls to this particular stroller is that it doesn't really have any space underneath for a diaper bag. The jogger in comparison has a huge compartment, so it's been a slight adjustment. However, I was given the chance to review a #AngelBabyStrollerOrganizerDiaperBag and it has easily solved our lack of storage space issues! While I also did a video review about this diaper bag, I wanted to quickly review some of the great features of it here too.

Angel Baby Stroller Organizer Diaper Bag:
Pros:

• easily attaches to all strollers, whether you have two handles (umbrella stroller) or a bar across (jogging stroller)
• the velcro that attaches it to the handles is wide enough to give a secure grip, so you don't have to worry about it randomly detaching and falling to the ground
• has an external wipe pouch for quick and easy access 
• has a zippered pouch that easily holds 2 flat diapers (size 4 is what I've tested it with), or even more of a smaller size and rolled up
• has two insulated drink holders to keep your beverages/bottles cold or warm
• has an inner pouch that can hold snacks, keys, phone, wallet, etc and has a flap that folds over the top to hide the contents from plain sight
• has two small mesh pockets that holds pens, snacks, keys, etc
• has a shoulder strap that attaches near where the velcro is, making it easy to remove the diaper bag and carry it on your shoulder for diaper changes, keeping the diaper bag when you leave the stroller in the car, etc. 

Cons:

• the insulated drink pocket is just slightly too deep to easily retrieve a standard size sippy cup 
• the mesh pockets could be slightly bigger which would make them more useful

Obviously, the pros faaaaar outweigh the cons with this handy, conveniently sized diaper bag. It can't hold toys, changes of clothes, burp cloths, diaper ointment, the kitchen sink, etc like a regular diaper bag can, but it's actually a really nice change. Especially as Noah has gotten older, our need for a full sized diaper bag has decreased significantly. This can carry everything we'd need for a trip to the zoo without issue. When baby #2 comes along and we need to constantly carry more things with us, the compartment under our umbrella stroller could hold all the "just in case" items that we wouldn't need easy access to and then keep the essentials within easy reach in this diaper bag. It's really an awesome addition to our "child item collection" that seems to never stop growing. If you want to see it in action, check out my YouTube review on it here -----> https://youtu.be/plndt4IdZtw 

If you want to get one for yourself, here's the link to it on Amazon! 

http://www.amazon.com/Stroller-Organizer-Universal-Accessories-Insulated/dp/B00HNC8SAW/ie=UTF8?m=A2BHYNWMF1ZMRV&keywords=stroller+organizer

Let me know if you have any questions!

Love, Amanda

Miscarriage- The Silent Grief

I've written, erased, re-written, erased and so on this post so many times in my mind over the last few days that I thought when I finally sat down to write it, the words would just flow. Instead, I sit here trying to again organize my thoughts, feelings, apprehensions, etc as tears pool in my eyes for the ump-teenth time. I feel like this is such a personal and heart wrenching topic to share, but one that is also so important to be vocal about to help create support for other women suffering like myself. So please, bear with me as I open my heart and soul in hopes of providing comfort and support to someone else walking this same sad path.

In the last several months, Ryan and I had both started to feel rather strongly that it was time to start trying for Baby #2. We expected it to take awhile as it did with Noah, only to get our "big fat positive" (baby making lingo) after just our second month of trying. This was about 3 weeks ago. We were shocked with how fast it happened, but also beyond thrilled. According to the 14 pregnancy apps I downloaded (ok, 3, but still), our estimated due date was around February 25th. Baby and Noah would have been just shy of two years apart, which was great spacing in our eyes. We started to take guesses as to the gender (we both ultimately decided it was probably going to be a girl), talked about names, talked about the fun family things that we would do and how things would change with the introduction of another member to our family. Being the Type A personality that I am, I started mentally planning all of the logistics of having a new baby. Making mental wish lists of things I wish I had when Noah was first born, things I wanted to read about and maybe do differently this time around. I called and scheduled our first OB appointment and began to eagerly count down to that time when we'd find out our actual due date as well as get to see our little peanut for the first time. It's amazing how deeply invested you become, and how deeply you already love that teeny, tiny baby that you've only known about for 3 weeks.

During my early pregnancy with Noah, I experienced two episodes of bleeding. The first at 5 weeks, 5 days and the next at 6 weeks, 4 days. I remember how terrified we were going in for those early ultrasounds, expecting to hear the worst. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Instead of hearing the dreaded "M" word, we were told that I was experiencing a subchorionic hemorrhage. Anything containing the word hemorrhage immediately sounds ominous and terrifying, but in that particular case it was music to my ears. We weren't losing the baby. I just needed to take it easy and my body should take care of the rest. And it did. Noah grew healthy and strong and was delivered full term. While there was one other unexplained bleeding episode at 27 weeks, everything else went smoothly and the pregnancy as a whole was amazing.

Fast forward to this pregnancy. Based on my experience with my first pregnancy, I was terrified every time I went to the bathroom that I'd find blood. While everything turned out just fine with Noah, that didn't do much to help lessen my fears. Seeing blood during pregnancy at any stage has to be one of the worst feelings ever. Every time I'd go to the bathroom and there was no blood, I'd sigh in relief and move on about my business. That is, until Tuesday.

The week was already starting as a crazy one. Monday: My rotors were warped. My car didn't want to start easily. We discovered a my fuel was leaking. On Saturday, Noah had been diagnosed with one ear infection and the start of another. After a visit to the ENT on Monday, he was scheduled to have tubes placed on Wednesday. My friend's husband took my car to work on it Monday night, so we were left with just the truck. Tuesday: I took Noah to his last swim lesson because of the tube placement that was supposed to happen the following day. I dropped him off with my friend who does daycare for him, and got home. I went to change out of my wet swimsuit and jump in the shower. After quickly using the bathroom, I wiped, ready to breathe my sigh of relief when instead I saw red. Starting to pray fervently, I got Ryan and told him what was happening. Each of us taking a deep breath and hoping it was just another subchorionic hemorrhage, we called the OB.

Without going into the boring details, due to the OB's office inability to get on the same page, we made the 20 minute drive to their office 3 separate times that day. The final visit included an ultrasound, which showed nothing. No sac, no growth, no baby. The technician tried to remain positive, but I knew in my heart that it was for sure happening. No hoping, praying, crossing my fingers or anything else would stop the reality of the situation. I was losing/had just lost our baby. I was suddenly a part of the silent club that no woman ever wants to be a part of. The Miscarriage Club. Where all of your hopes, dreams, wishes, plans are suddenly ripped out of your grasp with no explanation. No reason. No nothing. Nothing but a big, dark void that has suddenly taken over your heart, soul and mind. Nothing but the despair, sadness, wondering, confusion and deep aching pain that all combined takes your breath away. In that instant, everything changes but somehow everything stays the same. Your entire world is suddenly shaken while the rest of the world keeps moving forward like nothing is different. As we left the OB's office, I couldn't bear to look around the waiting room. There sat all these ladies in various stages of pregnancy. All of those women still had living babies in them. I however, had nothing. My face of tears, agony and pain had no place among that happy, hope-filled crowd.

I cried an ocean of tears on Tuesday. I felt my heart shatter, my soul rip and my mind crack. There is such a whirlwind of emotions that happen at once they threaten to consume you and steal your sanity, even if just briefly. What if I had done x,y,z differently? What if I forgot to do this or that? What if Heavenly Father doesn't think I'm ready to have another of His children yet? What if, what if, what if?!? Those questions alone are enough to drown in. You feel angry that it's happening. You feel sad that this little tiny baby has been taken from you before you had a chance to know them. You feel broken, like a part of you is missing. You can google search statistics to make yourself feel better, but those numbers don't take away the pain. You had a baby, a new life that was growing within you one minute, and the next, it's no more. It's nearly impossible to wrap your mind around such a thing. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be able to really feel it when people said things like "Well, it's all in God's plan". Instead, it just made me want to punch someone in the face. Maybe that's why miscarriage is such a taboo topic. There is no right thing to say. I couldn't tell someone what to say to me that would have been ok. When you've just lost your baby, everything is just wrong. In those moments, Everything. Is. Just. Wrong.

I have known people who have experienced loss before, both with miscarriage and still births. I never knew what to say or do in those situations. I still don't really know to be honest. But, speaking now from personal experience, here are some suggestions for you when dealing with a person suffering from this loss.
1. Don't try to fix it. This includes trying to "explain" why this is happening. Maybe some time from now, weeks, months, etc that will be ok. But right now, no explanation is going to make sense. I was pregnant this morning, and now I'm not. Your kind words of this being part of a grander plan are not, at this moment, going to fill that void.
2. A simple "I'm so sorry. I love you. My heart is breaking for you." goes way farther than an explanation for the situation. See #1.
3. Ice cream, cake, candy and hugs. Enough said.
4. Remember that if you feel awkward, I feel even more awkward. You don't know what to say, well neither do I. Create a safe place for feelings to be felt. Be prepared for me to be laughing one minute, and dissolving into tears the next. This is ok. This is normal. Treat it as such.
5. Reach out. This is an incredibly lonely process. It's incredibly personal too. Between those things, it's easy to want to isolate. Especially if you know the people around you are uncomfortable. I might not have it in me to reach out to you, but will grasp at the "life raft" of friendship you throw.
6. Give me space. While #5 is important, so is this. Grieving is a process. I need friends, but I also need space. I've got to have some me time to figure out how I'm going to move forward. And it takes time.
There are many other tips and suggestions I could list, but those are the ones that are at the front of my mind.

For those of you who are experiencing this horrible loss, here are some things I'm learning that I want to share with you. Some I already believe, others I know I will believe in time. Perhaps sharing them here will help me to further accept them as truths myself.
1. You are not alone. No matter if you have miscarried, experienced a still birth, or even the loss of a child, remind yourself that you are not alone. It's all more common than you think (sadly enough), and there are others who have walked this painful path before you.
2. It was NOT your fault. No matter what questions you come up with, or what potential situations COULD have caused it, ultimately, it was not your fault. But even knowing that logically, be prepared to keep questioning and wondering. Your heart may take longer to accept the fact that it was beyond your control than your mind.
3. No matter when you had your loss (5 weeks, 20 weeks, 42 weeks), you still lost. Do not compare, do not try to minimize, do not try to convince yourself that you have no right to grieve. I think that being farther along would have been more challenging. But even though I was only 7 weeks, as I watch my son play, I am reminded as to what I've lost. If this baby had continued to grow, I would have felt it move within me. I would have given birth and held it in my arms. I would have lost sleep as we nursed around the clock. I would have been there when they were given a name and a blessing. I would have been able to experience their first smile, their first laugh, their first words. All of those firsts that I have been a part of with Noah, I would have been a part of with this baby. And now I won't. And that holds to true for the mother who lost her baby at 13 weeks, for the mother who experienced a still birth at 21 weeks, for the mother who delivered her baby only to have complications take them too soon from this life. We have all lost, regardless of when on the path it happened.
4. This is a lonely, sad and painful process. You won't know what to say. You won't know how to respond when the cashier asks "How's it going?". You won't know how to discuss the details of what's happening physically and emotionally with someone who has never been here. What if you share too much? What if you don't share enough and you are drowning in your feelings? Those what ifs will make their come back and will try to suck you in. You've got to do your best to not let that happen.
5. It's okay to laugh. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel the whole broad spectrum of feelings you are bound to feel over the next while. Let yourself grieve. Whatever that means for your specific situation, just let it happen. It's normal. It's needed. It's good.
6. Reach out. It's easy to turn inward, to isolate and shut everything and everyone out, but try to resist. You'd be surprised what support you'll find by reaching out, even just a little. If you don't have family or friends that understand, find a loss support group online. Finding others who understand provides a soothing balm that helps ease the pain.
7. Give yourself time and space. You don't have to jump right back into normal life. If you want to, and that will help you heal, then go for it. But taking the time to grieve and mourn is important. Do something just for you. Get your hair cut or your nails done. Take time to read a book or write down your thoughts and feelings. No one expects you to be fine overnight, so don't put that pressure on yourself either.

The day after my miscarriage began, I came across this quote on my Facebook news feed. It found a way into the shattered mess that is my heart and held on for dear life. I printed it out and stuck it in a frame by my desk so I can glance at it frequently as each day passes and I move one foot in front of the other with a healed self as my end goal. It's a quote from a book by the apostle Jeffrey R. Holland, from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It reads (emphasis added):

"It may be that among all the broken things God loves, He loves a broken heart most of all. So when our day of sacrifice comes - and perhaps sorrow will come with it - be trusting and be believing. Know that God will accept your offering and that, through the great miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He will give your heart back to you healed and whole. That is the ultimate truth taught by the Resurrection. Christ, the Great Healer, will make recompense for us in time and in eternity. By His grace and the goodness of God, all broken vessels are fully repaired."

While I didn't want to be reminded by those around me that all of this was part of some plan, I've been able to arrive at that conclusion myself. It's still a work in progress. I'm still hurting. I'm still grieving. I'm still randomly bursting into tears when I come across something that reminds me of what I've lost. But deep down, above all else, I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me. I know that He knows the pain and anguish I'm experiencing. I know that both he and my Savior are extending their open arms to me, inviting me in. It brings to mind one of my favorite scripture verses, John 14:27. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

To my sweet teeny, tiny baby: My heart aches in ways that words cannot describe that we have had to say goodbye before we ever really got to say hello. We love you, and will always wonder what could have been. I know that we'll meet someday. Until that time, I pray that Heavenly Father will keep you close and hold you for me.
I love you my baby,
-your mommy

Placenta Encapsulation- Results

    So several months ago I posted about how I was considering get my placenta dried out and put into pills to take after delivery. I decided to do it, and I am grateful that I did.
    I was in the hospital for 48 hours after delivery because I had tested positive for Group B Strep. When it was time for us to be released, in order to be able to take the placenta I had to sign a waiver. It basically stated that I was taking an organ from the hospital and that they wouldn't be held liable for anything that happened as a result. All that legal mumbo jumbo they have to put you through to cover their behinds in case you do anything crazy and then want to blame them when something goes wrong. They gave it to us in a plastic tupperware like container. Like you would buy sour cream in, but bigger. (Hope that doesn't ruin sour cream for you. haha). When we left the hospital we went straight to the lady's house who was going to take care of everything. This was on Friday. She called us on Sunday and let us know that it was ready to be picked up. Not too bad for turnaround time, right? Ryan went and got them and told me the directions. I was to take 2-6 pills daily (start with less and work up to more if I felt it was needed) until I didn't feel like I needed them anymore or I ran out. I was to keep them in the fridge, and any that I ended up not using I should store them in the freezer for future use if I wanted.
    There was kind of an earthy smell when I opened the container, but it wasn't bad. Just "natural". Haha. I started out by taking two in the morning and two at bed time, and decided that was a good amount for me. I did that for the first almost 7 weeks after delivery.
    My results? I cried/felt the baby blues the day after I left the hospital (before I had the placenta pills), and then once again when he was 4 weeks old and had a rough night where I was only getting 1.5 hour stretches of sleep all night and was exhausted the next morning. That's it. Now I have nothing to compare it to, but I do know that pretty much all the women I've talked to have experience baby blues/post partum depression more than that. And really, it would only be one "episode" since the first time happened before I started taking the placenta pills. SO, my opinion on placenta encapsulation? DO IT!! What do you have to lose? If it hadn't worked for me, we would have been out $100. But because I took a chance on it, I preserved my sanity, bonded with my baby, and didn't have a horrible after birth experience. Like I said before, I've had members of my family hospitalized for post partum depression/psychosis. I didn't want to go through that. Who would? I am SO grateful that I decided to go outside of my comfort zone and try this. I am beyond pleased with the results and plan on doing it for each of my pregnancies!
 

Little Elf- Two Months

Temperament: This little guys is still so mellow. He still rarely fusses or cries, and is just content to simply “be”. He’s just a happy baby!

Weight & Height: At his 2 month check up, he weighed in at 10lbs 4oz and was 22in long. His head measured 39.5cm. That put him in the 10th percentile across the board. He’s just a little elf!

Sleeping: He’s started to sleep better through the night, often going 4-5 hours between each feeding. Those longer stretches of sleep are nice, but I’m looking forward to even longer ones as he continues to grow! Naps are a bit of a struggle. He’ll sleep for 2-3 hours when he’s being held, but if you dare put him down for a nap, you’ll be lucky to get a 40 minute nap out of him. That doesn’t help get things done around the house, that’s for sure! Oh well. Haha. We’re still working on napping longer not being held, since I have to return to work next month and he won’t be able to be held during his naps at the sitter’s house.

(apparently sleeping while getting burped is the thing to do!)

Likes: He has figured out how to make noise and loves to coo, speak, and squawk.  He’s in love with his playmat, and the dangling toys. There is an elephant that plays melodies, and he loves that thing! There have been times when we keep pulling the thing to make the music and when the music stops, he’ll start to fuss a little. As soon as it’s pulled again and the music starts he’s back to squawking along, happy as can be. It’s really cute. He also still loves snuggles and his binky.

Dislikes: There’s not much that he seems to dislike at this point. He’s doing better in his car seat, unlike how he despised it before. He’s still not a fan of tummy time, but is starting to tolerate it a little better. He also still doesn’t like having to wait on his food. He can go from fine to starving in .3 seconds and if he isn’t fed at that moment, he’ll let you know he’s not happy! Oh, and shots. He was NOT a fan of getting his 2 month shots. But really, who would be? He was fussy the evening he got them and the following day, but was then back to normal!

Firsts: He gave us his first “social smile”, meaning he smiled on purpose at us. And oh man, it’s the best thing ever!! He sticks his tongue out when he’s really happy and it’s beyond adorable. He also rolled from front to back for the first time. At first we thought it was more of an accidental thing because he hates tummy time, but since he’s done it several times since we think it’s for real.

Other: On Mother’s Day (May 11th) we did Noah’s baby blessing. It was a fun way to celebrate my first mother’s day! We had several people come in from out of town to celebrate with us, including my parents (Ft. Worth, Texas), brother (Houston, Texas), sister & niece (Indiana), Ryan’s dad (California), and my grandparents (Northern Utah). Ryan gave the blessing and did a wonderful job. We had originally planned on doing a BBQ after for our family and friends, but the weather was not cooperating for that. So instead, we just did a mini BBQ for our family inside. It was so fun having everyone there, especially since it was the first time everyone (minus my mom who has been here since the birth) got to meet Noah.

He also had a little procedure done at 9 weeks to correct his upper lip tie. It wasn’t really affecting me (no pain or discomfort when nursing) but Noah didn’t have the best latch and would often unlatch coughing/gasping for breath. I had read a post from someone about their baby having similar symptoms, but also mentioned reflux as well. And they included a picture of their kid’s lip tie. So I thought to myself, I should look in Noah’s mouth and see what I find. And lo and behold, it looked the same as their picture! We talked to the pediatrician about it, and he referred us to a pediatric dentist. That particular dentist was chosen because he does the frenectomy (lip tie removal) with a laser. That eliminates the need for sedation, stitches, and a longer recovery. The actual procedure was a lot faster than I had pictured it to be in my mind. He had us swaddle Noah, and then the dentist sat knees to knees with Ryan with Noah’s head in the dentists lap and the rest of him on Ryan. They had to wear special glasses, and there were only 2 pairs. So I was allowed in the room but I had to turn my back to them (which it was probably better that way anyway!) The dentist turned on the laser and started working. Noah of course started screaming, which was heartbreaking to listen to. They stopped once to let him take a breather, and then started again. And then it was over! I looked at my phone to check the time, and the whole thing only took about 5 minutes. It felt longer because hearing your baby screaming makes time stand still but in reality it wasn’t very long at all. And as soon as the laser was turned off, Noah quit crying just a few seconds later. So there wasn’t much residual pain (immediately), which was nice. He was a little fussy that night and the next day, and got mad when we did the lip stretching exercises we were told to do. But overall it went great and he had a fast recovery. When we took him back for his 2 week follow up the dentist said that everything looked good and he wouldn’t need to see him again. He did say that it would probably take a few weeks for his muscle memory to change and for his latch to improve, so I’ll update on that in the future!

(so the after is a little hard to see, but there's like a diamond shape where the laser removed skin)

Little Elf- One Month

Temperament: This little guy is SO chill and mellow. He rarely cries or fusses, and if he does it is for a very short time. He has had a bit of jaundice which makes him extra sleepy, and may contribute a little to his mellowness. But we're excited that he doesn't have colic!

Weight & Height: When he was born he was 6lbs 7oz and 17.5 in long. He lost 3oz while we were in the hospital. At his two week check up, he was 7lbs 3oz and 21in long. We aren't sure if he actually grew 3in in two weeks or if he wasn't fully stretched out when they measured him at birth! Then at an appointment when he was 4 weeks old, he weighed in at 7lbs 13oz. The doctor said he looked great! He's been in newborn sized clothing since birth, as well as newborn diapers. 

Sleeping: Like I mentioned before, he's had some jaundice since we left the hospital. That makes him really sleepy. To the point I have to wake him up to be fed. So I set my alarm for every 3.5 hours to wake him and attempt to feed him. Most of the time he'll fall asleep several times while he's nursing, so I have to try and get him to wake up. Sometimes he's out cold and nothing will wake him! Some of the things I've done are turning the lights on, stripping him down to his diaper, tickling his feet, face & tummy, sitting him up to burp him, gently blowing in his face (getting desperate here obviously, haha), and so on. Those work, ohhhh, maybe 60% of the time. And not for very long. His doctor says he'll be more alert as the bilirubin levels drop. 

Eating: He's been a little slow getting into the whole eating thing. In the hospital he was too tired to eat, so we would still attempt to nurse and then I would pump and feed him from a syringe. Once we got home from the hospital, my milk came in the next day. He's doing better at eating but has a hard time staying latched. And staying awake. So nursing takes a looong time. But I love the bonding time, so it's ok. 

Likes: He LOVES to snuggle. It doesn't matter if he's awake or asleep, his favorite place to be is on someone or at least in their arms. His favorite spot is snuggled on his tummy under my chin. He also loves baths.

Dislikes: Being in his carseat for longer than a few minutes. He also hates being cold. So diaper changes and clothing changes normally cause him to fuss. And if the room is too cold for him after a bath he gets mad too. 

Other: This little man spits up a TON. Like, pretty much everything he eats it seems. It changes consistency and color, volume, and speed. Speed meaning how fast it comes out of him. He has gotten pretty good at projectile spit up. To the point where in order to somewhat preserve our carpet, when I burp him I have a full size bath towel draped over my lap and onto the floor to catch it. We have increased our supply of burp cloths (large prefold diapers) to try and keep up with the demand. We also generally have to do laundry more than once a day because he only has so many outfits and so many burp cloths. We've taken him to the doctor twice about it. Once they suggested that he could have a dairy allergy and told me to try taking that out of my diet. So I did, but there was no change. When I introduced it back in, he didn't get better or worse, so we don't think that's the problem. After we tried that, the doctor prescribed Prevacid and Hyoscyamine. One for the reduction of acid and the other for tummy cramps. Between the two we've noticed some improvement, but he still spits up quite a bit. Just not projectile as often, so that's good! The nice thing about all of it is that he's what they generally refer to as a happy spitter. That means that he doesn't scream/cry/fuss/etc from the reflux. He usually doesn't seem bothered by it. Occasionally he'll be a little fussy from it, but thankfully not often. We also had to take him in several times in the first 3 weeks to the lab to have his bilirubin levels drawn. It was so sad! His poor heels were still bruised from the hospital, so there wasn't a "clean" place for them to do the draws. The first few times he was still so sleepy he barely moved, but then the last few times it made him cry. It's hard to see your baby in pain! Eventually the lab levels dropped down to an ok level and we didn't have to take him in for heel torture any more. 

Mom & Dad: We are adjusting to parenthood. Ryan went back to work the Tuesday after Tiny was born, so I've been the one doing the night feedings so Ryan could be rested for work. My mom has been here since he was born, and helps out a TON with everything. It's really helping with the adjustment. We're both still in awe that this tiny person is OUR child. We love him totally and completely, and can't imagine life without him now. I've been lucky to not deal with post partum depression (which I think is linked to doing the placenta encapsulation, but more on that later) which I was really worried about. Because he's such an easy baby, we're both doing pretty good so far with everything.

Welcome Noah- Pictures!

Since the last post was so long, I thought I'd put all the pictures here instead of making that post even longer!

 I miss feeling him moving around, but I can definitely bend over better without the big old tummy in the way!

 Oxygen power!

 Just waiting to weigh our little man!

 Hanging out with mom while Ryan went and got them lunch

 True love!!!

 Already making faces for the camera

 Big eyed baby!

 Mom's first snuggle with her new grandson

 Telling everyone that Noah had arrived while he was off with daddy getting his first bath

 Letting Grandma snuggle with Noah

 Daddy getting some diaper practice in

 She's as in love as we are!

This is daddy's new favorite hobby

Welcome Baby Noah Parker Deuel!

    As I sit here snuggling my sweet baby boy while he sleeps, I am continuously blown away by the thought that this is *MY* baby. That I helped create him. I carried him while he grew from just a few cells into this tiny little boy. That I delivered him into this world. And that it is my body that provides the nourishment he needs to thrive. It's surreal and amazing and incredible and a little overwhelming! I'm so grateful that I get this opportunity to be a parent. To be trusted with such a sweet little person. I am SO blessed!
    Ok. Sappy moment is over. Moving on. With Noah being two weeks old tomorrow, I figure I need to write out his birth story before I forget it. I'm going to want to share it with him someday, and I figured in the mean time I can share it with you instead! Here is the setting for the story. I was scheduled to see my OB on 3/20, and she had told me during the past appointment that if I was at 3cm dilated at the next appointment, she would discuss our options for inducing. I was at 2cm when she told me that. So Ryan and I had been trying all the tricks to get me either go into labor, or at least dilate 1 more cm. My mom was set to arrive from Texas at 9:30am on 3/19. Ryan had taken work off to be able to pick her up from the airport while I went to work like usual. So here is how it all played out. This all takes place on 3/19. 3, 2, 1, action!

• 1-3ish am- I get up several times (3) to go to the bathroom, as usual. Ryan was still awake until like 1am, since he was going to get to sleep in before going to the airport. 
• 3:30am- went to the bathroom again, and when I laid back down in bed I thought to myself "hmmm...that doesn't feel like a Braxton Hicks contraction. Something is different. I wonder if that is a "real" contraction..." Then I fell asleep, but woke several times because of the contractions. 
• 4:30am- I woke suddenly because it felt like I had peed my pants. I thought that was random because I hadn't coughed or sneezed or anything that would have made me do that (and luckily I hadn't ever peed myself during pregnancy), so I started wondering if it was my water breaking. I went to the bathroom, again, to check what was going on. My garments were wet in the crotch, but that was it. So I put a pad on and went back to bed. 
• 5:00am- I woke up suddenly (again), feeling like I was going to throw up. Salivating mouth and all. So I went to the bathroom (apparently my favorite place in the world that night) to get the trash can, and started feeling the contractions again. I still figured that they weren't labor inducing ones because I could still walk and could have talked if Ryan was awake. The urge to throw up passed, and I remembered to check the pad. It was wet, but not soaked. So I headed back to bed to time the contractions. 
• 5:30am- after timing the contractions for a half hour, I saw that they were coming roughly every 5-6 minutes and lasting about a minute each. I decided that since they were getting stronger and I wasn't sleeping, I might as well go take a shower. That way if I wasn't in labor, I could get ready for work, and if I WAS in labor, then I'd be able to start out clean. So I took a shower until the hot water ran out, decided the contractions were getting stronger, and should probably go talk to Ryan. I did put my hair up first, but didn't bother with makeup. I had decided at this point that even if I wasn't in labor, I sure as heck wasn't going to work feeling like that.
• 6:40am- I went into the bedroom and leaned over the bed during a contraction, then told Ryan "honey, it's time to wake up now." To which he grunted and asked what time it was. I told him and he opened one eye looking at me like I was crazy for waking him up when it was his day to sleep in. So I added "I think I'm in labor..." So he opened his eyes, but didn't get out of bed. Then I added the last bit..."And, I'm pretty sure my water broke...." Finally he jumped out of bed, rubbing his eyes and asking what was going on. So I told him, and said that I was going to call the OB to make sure that going to the hospital was a good idea. I REALLY didn't want to go to the hospital just to get sent home. 
• 6:45am- I spoke with the OB, explained about the possibility of my water breaking, and she said to head to the hospital just to be sure. Because if it had broken, Noah would have to be delivered within 24 hours to reduce the chance of infection. So we started gathering the last minute stuff to add to the hospital bag and got ready to go.
• 7:05am- I decided that since everyone had said eat before going to the hospital, because once you get there you can't eat until the baby is born in case a c-section is needed. So I poured myself a bowl of cereal and then called my dad to find out if my mom was on her flight already. I was getting to the point where I couldn't talk easily through the contractions, so I had to pause several times while talking to him. Mom was already in the air, so I called and left her a message telling her what was going on and that we would arrange for a friend to pick her up instead of Ryan.
• 7:06am- I abandoned eating my still mostly full bowl of cereal because of the pain and told Ryan it was time to go. He thought I was crazy for trying to eat in the first place, so he was just waiting for me to give the go ahead to leave. We loaded up and headed to the hospital.
• 7:20 am- We got to the hospital and checked into the labor & delivery unit. Pausing several times on the walk for contractions to pass of course. 
• 7:30am- I was checked to see my water had actually broken. They have a special type of paper that detects the type of fluid. They stick that inside and then check the color. Mine turned dark blue, which was apparently the magic color! They said that my water had in fact broken and that I was about 80% effaced, and 3.5cm dilated. I had finally gotten to the desired 3cm, but obviously wasn't going to need to be induced! yay!
• 8:00am- The nurse got my IV started in my hand, which is the WORST place to have an IV. Then she started the fluids. One was essentially sugar water, to give me "nourishment" while they essentially starved me of real food. Another was regular saline solution. And the last was penicillin because I had tested positive for Group B Strep when they tested me for it a few weeks ago. It's a common thing to be positive for, but because it can be passed to baby they want to give you penicillin every 4 hours during delivery. And it sucks. It's refrigerated, so it's cold going in the IV. And it hurt my hand. I don't know how much of it was because it was cold and how much was because of where my IV was, but it wasn't a good feeling.  
• 8:05am- I told the nurse I was interested in getting the epidural, but I wasn't quite ready for it just yet. 
• 8:20am- I told the nurse I had changed my mind and it was definitely time for the epidural. The nurse added me to the list of people waiting for epidurals, and I waited for the drug doctor to come pay me a visit. 
• 8:50am- The anesthesiologist came and gave me the epidural. As soon as it started to work I was ready to kiss the man. Getting one was the Best. Idea. Ever. It allowed me the chance to enjoy my delivery experience. I know it's not for everyone, but it is certainly for me!!
• 9:00am- The nurse checked me for progress. I'd progressed from the 3.5cm on arrival to 5cm. She said they usually want to see about 1cm an hour, and I was on track for that. 
• 9:40am- I called my mom again, since her flight was set to land at 9:30 and I was hoping to be able to fill her in on what was happening and who would be picking her up. Between Ryan being on the phone with our friend Lindsay (who had so heroically volunteered to take some time off work to go pick mom up) and me being on the phone with mom, we were able to coordinate the pick up and drop off of my mom. Yay!
• 10:00am- My next check informed us that I had progressed to about 6cm. Things were still looking good. 
• 10:30am- There were some decelerations in baby's heartbeat during contractions showing up on the monitors. The nurse had me switch sides that I was laying on in hopes that his heartbeat would go back to normal. 
• 10:45am- She came back in saying that the weird things his heart was doing had gotten worse since switching sides, so she wanted me to go back to my left side. After I had rolled back over (with her help seeing as how I didn't have full feeling in my legs), she put an oxygen mask on me. She said that sometimes if the placenta has decided that its job is done before it really is, baby could benefit from some extra oxygen. So I got to wear that until he was born. 
• 10:55am- My mom arrived! Her side of the story is that she landed and almost didn't turn her cell phone on. But she did and saw that she had a voice mail, but after listening to it realized that it didn't give a time of when it was left. All she knew was that I was in labor and she needed to get off the plane fast! Now, I have to insert here that my mom is a very quiet lady. We make fun of her for being a "quiet mouse" because she rarely raises her voice. So I was very proud of her after hearing what she did next. She said that after hearing the message, she stood up, gathered her things, then exclaimed loudly "My daughter's water broke and we're having a baby!!! I need to get out of here so I can get to the hospital!!!!!" The response was several congratulations, and everyone parting like the Red Sea to let her off. Way to go Quiet Mouse!! You did it! My second call to her caught her walking to baggage. I was able to reassure her that baby wasn't here yet and she would probably make it to the hospital on time. She was thrilled with that. 
• 11:10am- The nurse checked me again and said that I was just about to 7.5cm, and that I was still contracting well. 
• 12:10pm- During this check she found that I was fully dilated and fully effaced. She called my OB and came back to tell me that they were going to wait for an hour to allow him to descend, and then we should be ready to start pushing around 1:15pm. 
• 1:00pm- I started clock watching, getting more anxious and nervous knowing that very soon I'd be delivering this baby. And once he was here, everything would be different. I tried not to get scared about the actual delivery, but it was an unknown and therefore a little nerve-wracking!
• 1:15pm- The nurse came in and got me into delivery position, just without the stirrups. She held one leg and had Ryan hold the other. She said that the amount of pushing time ranges from woman to woman, and it could be anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. So during the next two contractions she had me push. After the second one she said "Ooook, we're not going to have you push anymore. This baby is ready to be born! He's about ready to crown, so I'm going to go call your OB and we'll deliver this baby when she gets here!"
• 1:18-1:40pm- Every time the urge to push came, I'd look toward the door hoping to see the doctor walk in. It felt like she took foreeeeeever getting there! Even the nurse started pacing, worried that she might have to call a different doctor in since my baby was ready to be born!
• 1:41pm- My OB finally arrived and got gowned up and got everything situated. She got filled in on the funny heart rhythms and guessed that baby probably had the cord wrapped around his neck. She had them put my legs in the stirrups and she got into position. 
• 1:45pm- During the next contraction, she had me start pushing. I could see his little goo covered head start to appear in the mirror and it was crazy!! I was actually delivering a baby!! She said that his heart patterns showed that he was NOT liking this process, and she wanted him out on the next contraction. 
• 1:49pm- When the next contraction hit, I started pushing again with everything I had. I watched in the mirror as his head came out, and she unwrapped the cord from around his neck. Then she had me give a little push to help with his shoulders and then BAM! I had delivered a baby!!!!
• 1:52pm- After his nose and mouth were suctioned, they laid him on my tummy to wipe him off. He was so tiny and blue! And he wouldn't cry. He made little baby noises, but he just didn't want to cry. After a moment they took him over to the table to make sure he was breathing ok. Everything checked out. The nurses kept making comments about how his breathing was perfect, and his heart sounded great, and he must just be a mellow little dude. They gave him the eye drops and the huge giant vitamin K shot (that looked like the needle was long enough to go all the way through his leg an into the table) and still no crying. They took him to the weighing table and weighed and measured him. 
• Noah Parker Deuel- born 3/19/14 @ 1:50 pm.
• 6lbs 7oz
• 17.5 in long
• 2:00ish pm-They brought him back to me so I could snuggle him on my chest for awhile before taking him to get bathed and such and moving me down to a recovery room. It was an amazing feeling to have him there on my chest, able to look into his eyes and snuggle him close. He still hadn't cried, and was content just to hang out. He was just perfect and I couldn't get enough of him. It was so sad when they took him away. Ryan went with him, and I got moved down to recovery. I was given some food and was excited to eat, but really couldn't feel just right until they brought my baby back!
• Remaining hospital stay- Noah cried during his first bath, but not at all for him remaining shots. They didn't mention if he cried when he was circumcised, but he only cried (very softly) during one diaper change afterwards because he was stuck to the diaper (ouch!). He remained very mellow and chill the whole time we were there, which was a total of 48 hours. He was VERY sleepy (more than a usual newborn), so after each attempt to feed him I had to pump and then feed him with a syringe. Whatever works!

To summarize,  I had an easy pregnancy (minus a few scares & that horrible pain at the end) and an easy delivery, and now I have an easy baby. I have been SO blessed. I'm so very grateful for these experiences that I've had. My mom said it's Heavenly Father's way of giving me a break after everything I've been through (mainly the broken body from the bad accident). I'm ok with that theory. haha. This little man is such a blessing and I can't believe that I've been entrusted with raising him. Basically, we are totally & completely in love with him! He's perfect!! 

38 weeks- "Wow Amanda, you are looking HUUUGE!! Aw, gee thanks...you make me feel GREAT!!

    We've made it to the final stretch. Only 14 days to go! This pregnancy has gone by SO fast. I can't believe it's just about over. Although I'm incredibly grateful at this point that it IS over soon. I'm done. It's time for this little man to make his appearance!! And if we base it on the amount of comments being made to me about just how HUGE I am, he better be coming soon. Like now. Before I punch some comment maker in the face. Twice. 

    Back in 2007, I was in a REALLY bad car accident. I broke lots of bones, but the worst part was the two breaks in my pelvis as well as the broken tail bone. Those have caused me some pain and discomfort throughout this pregnancy, but not nearly as bad as I thought they would. I've been blessed with an easy pregnancy. I've bypassed a lot of the symptoms that make pregnancy miserable for most women and that has made working full time much easier. All of that has now changed. I feel like I shouldn't complain, seeing as how I've had it easy the rest of the time. But at the same time, it's hard NOT to complain some when you feel like your PELVIS HAS SHATTERED AGAIN AND THERE IS GIANT BELLY RESTING ON IT AND MAKING THE SHATTERED BONES GRIND TOGETHER. We think the huge jump from discomfort and some pain to EXCRUCIATING AND OMG I THINK I'M DYING has to do with baby "dropping". We don't know the full extent of my previous pelvic injuries with my current pain. However, I feel pretty strongly that there is a BIG connection. Duh. My pain can be broken down to 2 main locations. 

• Tail bone- When I go from sitting to standing, it feels like there is a small explosion where my tailbone is. Sharp, stabbing, shooting pains radiate outwards. If you've ever broken your tail bone, that is how this feels. Every. Time. I. Stand. Up. The longer I've been sitting, the worse it is. The harder the surface is that I've been sitting on, the worse it is. Sitting in different positions doesn't help. Sitting on cushions or special "pelvic" pillows doesn't help. Laying helps, but only until it starts to make my back hurt. But since that pain is way less intense, laying is the best solution. 

• Pubic Symphysis- this is the found where your pelvis comes together in the front. When I broke my pelvis,one of the two breaks happened in the bone next to the pubic symphysis, and misaligned the bones in relation to the pubic symphysis. This causes a sharp stabbing pain RIGHT there in my crotch. I mainly feel this pain when I'm walking, going up stairs, climbing in/out of the car & truck, and when rolling out of bed. Sometimes it's a grinding, stabbing pain. At least there is variety, right? Sometimes this pain also feels like a small explosion has taken place. That's when it brings tears to my eyes. 

    So between those pains, plus the fact that here at the end of pregnancy my body is releasing hormones that tells my pelvis to open WIDER. And WIIIIDER STILL. I have a 5 inch screw holding one side of my pelvis in place. So the other side is really the only side that can open. This inability to open bi-laterally could be playing a large part in my pain levels. Now that baby has dropped, and is putting more pressure on everything (which also encourages my pelvis to open WIDERRRRR) my pain level has jumped from like a 3 to a 20. Sometimes it hurts so bad to stand that when I'm at work I wheel my chair around as much as possible to avoid the pain. I probably look like the laziest person around, but I just DARE SOMEONE TO MAKE A COMMENT TO ME ABOUT IT! They won't appreciate the result. Don't mess with a very pregnant lady who is in a lot of pain. Duh. 
    Ryan and I talked about it, and we decided that it would be good to discuss induction options with my OB. I think that choosing to induce is a personal decision to be made with your spouse. If you don't believe in inductions, that is great for you. But lets not judge each other's choices, yeah? :)  Anyway. So at my appointment yesterday we asked my OB what our options at this point are. She said that in order to even discuss induction, I'd have to be dilated to at least 3cm. I'm only at 2cm. Which is better than the 1cm I was at my last two appts! Progress is good! I asked if she would at least do a membrane sweep and she said she would. I had been warned that it would be really painful, but that wasn't the case at all for me. The only pain I had was from her knuckles pushing on my pelvic bone. She said that there is generally only a 20% chance of the sweep helping you start labor, but that was good enough for me. Unfortunately, it didn't do much. I had more braxton hicks contractions, but nothing painful. But maybe it'll help me dilate more so at my next appt we can talk about inducing. I can hope!!
   

Labor & Delivery is really quiet in the middle of the night

I can't believe it's March!! We're having a BABY this month! Whaaaat?!? Our little man is also excited for it to be March, and let us know that with another one of his theatrical episodes. Silly boy.

So Saturday was March 1st. Ryan worked for FedEx, and I cleaned a little and ran some errands. It was a normal day, nothing exceptional happened. Except I made a minky blanket with satin binding. If you don't look too close, it actually turned out cute. That was exceptional, since I know nothing pretty much about sewing. But I digress.

We went to bed like normal, fell asleep like normal, and a few hours later I woke up to pee like normal. That's when I discovered I was bleeding. Again. Not so normal (although it seems to be turning into a normal thing for us. Good grief). It was just like when I started bleeding back on January 1st when we came home from California. This time, I didn't start to panic since I'm so close to being considered full term. Whereas before, if he had been born then he would have only weighed between 1-2lbs. That would have been scary! Anyway, so I went back to our room to quietly get my phone and call the emergency line for my OB before waking Ryan. He heard me though and asked if everything was ok. I sighed and said no, that I was bleeding again and was going to call and find out if we needed to go to L&D. I called the doctor on call and explained what was going on. I told him that this had happened once before, but the circumstances were different. He said that he wanted to be safe rather than sorry, and wanted me to go to the hospital to get checked out. So I went back to the room and told Ryan that we needed to go to the hospital. We got dressed and headed out at 3:45am. There was no one on the roads, which was convenient. We parked and walked slowly (cause I waddle. A lot. And slowly) to the maternity ward. We got taken to a room and told that the doctor I had spoken with told them I was coming in.

I got changed into their lovely hospital gown, and then hooked up to the two monitors. One is for baby's heart beat and the other is to monitor contractions. Then the nurse said that she needed to check my cervix at the instruction of the doctor, since that may have been the cause of the bleeding the last time.

*I had my first cervical check on Thursday at my OB appt, and she said then that I was 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. I had no side effects after the check like some women do (ie bleeding, contractions, etc)*

When she checked my cervix, she said that I was still only 1cm dilated, but I was now 70% effaced. So in a matter of 2.5 days, I'd progressed 20%. I'm ok with that! She said that it did look like the bleeding had stopped, and couldn't determine the cause for sure. Again, sounds like last time. She said that sometimes having the cervical check can cause bleeding, but they only expect that in the 24hrs after the exam. And all of this was happening well beyond the 24hr mark, so she didn't think that was the cause. She said that they were going to monitor me for 20-30min and then let me go.

About 45 minutes later, she came back in to let us know that they wanted to keep monitoring baby and me for awhile longer. Apparently baby's heart beat wasn't showing the "accelerations" that they were wanting to see. She propped me on my side to see if that made any difference, and said she would be back in awhile. I just read my Kindle while Ryan took a cat nap. After we had been there for a total of 2 hours, the nurse came back and said that they were going to release me. She said that at one point I was having regular contractions and they had started to wonder if I was going to go into labor, but then they slowed and spaced back out. Ryan and I looked at each other and were like what contractions?! I had a teensy bit of cramping at one point, but that's it. Baby was moving like crazy, and I hadn't noticed my stomach getting hard. I'm ok not feeling contractions until I have to! As long as when I really do go into labor, I have enough time to get to the hospital. That's my only condition for it. Haha. She said that baby's heart beat looked great, most of the time. She said that every so often it looked like there was an arrhythmia or a murmur that had them slightly concerned. The doctor on call said that I need to go in once a week for a Non-Stress Test (NST) so they can monitor his heart. Then they unhooked me and sent me on my way.

Now, normally I worry about *everything*. Way more than is necessary (or healthy probably). But this time, I'm not overly worried. I figure if there was a big enough issue with his heart beat, they would have kept me. But they didn't, so I shouldn't stress. I'll being seeing someone twice a week until he's born (between the NST and the weekly OB appt), so baby will be closely monitored. And if it so happens that he comes now, he may not even have any time in the NICU at this point. So everything is going to be ok. And more than anything, I've had many reassurances that Heavenly Father is aware of us and everything will be ok. :)

Things I've Learned About Pregnancy

So as I've gone through this pregnancy, I've been learning lots of new things. And as I was reviewing them in my mind the other day, I thought it could be a good idea to share a list. Maybe someone else can learn something from me. And if not that, maybe at least get a laugh! :) These are listed in no particular order. That takes too much planning!!

• Getting a baby bump can be so exciting you're willing to convince yourself that really bad bloating is actually your baby. Then you will try to convince your spouse that you finally have a REAL baby bump. 
• If your spouse doesn't readily agree that you finally have a REAL bump, your heart will be broken and you will probably cry. Even though you know deep inside he's probably right. Admitting that would probably make you cry more. 
• It's hard to understand your feelings as the hormones take over. I think that becoming pregnant simulates developing several mental illnesses all at once. Mainly depression, bi-polar, & schizophrenia. I'll explain why below.
• Depression- SOOOO exhausted, loss of interest in things (mainly due to exhaustion), thoughts of inadequacy about being a parent, fear of the future, thinking of the looming black cloud that is called "finances after baby comes", etc. 
• Bi-Polar- you're so excited to be pregnant! And then you're terrified of all the changes. Then you're really excited to become a parent. Then you're terrified of the type of parent you'll be. Then you LOVE your husband. And then you HATE him. Then you think pregnancy is such an AMAZING miracle. And then you get sick & tired of being pregnant for almost a year. (Ok so those feelings and such are not things that would get you a diagnosis of bi-polar, but when you're experiencing the mood swings and the ups and down, it sure FEELS like you could be bi-polar).
• Schizophrenia, paranoid type- suddenly everything that you have ever heard that could go wrong with a pregnancy is suddenly really, truly, maybe, possibly happening to you RIGHT NOW! You may experience thoughts like: I sneezed really hard, and had a pain in my abdomen. What if that means I'm ruptured my uterus? I wiped and saw some spotting. Obviously I'm miscarrying. Baby hasn't moved for the last hour. What if he's dead?!? There's a whole big long list of things you can't do now, because someone's sister's cousin's grandmother's hairdresser once had Z happen to them after doing X. And what if YOU'RE the person it happens to NEXT?!? It could happen....you could fall into that .0000001% category of probability.They call you paranoid. You & your voices call yourself prepared. 
• Many strangers just can't WAIT to tell you horror stories about pregnancy once they hear you're pregnant. It's like word vomit. They hear the word "pregnant" and suddenly horrible, scary stories come spewing forth from their mouth. If you weren't paranoid before, welcome to the club.
• Google is no longer your best friend. Neither are pregnancy group forums. If you try to even be friendly with them, it will probably result in you telling your spouse that you have been self diagnosed with ihaveallthingsterriblywronginmypregnancyandourbabyisgoingtohavetwoheadsandthreearmsitis and should therefore probably go straight to the hospital so they can look for a cure. Your husband may call you a hypochondriac. This will make you cry, and go VERY quickly from loving your sweet husband to hating the man you thought you once loved, 27 seconds ago. 
• Google & pregnancy forums can be your best friend. Hearing stories about other women going through your same experiences can be soothing and helpful. They can give you ideas to ease discomfort that you wouldn't have thought of on your own. If you are experiencing something strange, you'll sometimes read about someone else who experienced the same thing and it turns out everything was ok! Other times they had the symptoms you were worried about and something went terribly, horribly wrong and what if that's happening to YOU?!? So now, I invite you to read the above listed point. 
• As your body changes, your mind set about certain things will have to change as well. For instance, never trust a fart. It could be like playing Russian roulette with a very sad ending.
• Gaining weight is a psychological nightmare. Picture an angel and a devil on your shoulders as you look at the scale.
• Devil- Look at those numbers grow! You're getting fat you fatty McFatterson
• Angel- But you're growing a baby! How can you hate yourself for being part of that miracle? Gaining weight is just part of the process. 
• Devil- Ok you whale, your baby weighs less than 10 lbs, so how can you justify gaining 30?
• Angel- You're beautiful. You're glowing. You're all baby. You don't look like you've gained anything but baby!
• Devil- starve yourself, stop the weight gain!
• Angel- eat good healthy foods so you don't starve your baby!
• Devil- well if you're gonna gain weight you may as well enjoy it. Go eat ice cream.
• Angel- mmmmmm, ice cream
• Panty liners will become your best friend. You thought you knew what discharge was. Ha, joke's on you little naive one. 
• As pregnancy progresses, it seems the nipple to boob ratio changes. Be prepared for your nipples to take up like 2/3 of your boob. Better yet, don't think of them as boobs with nipples anymore. It may make more sense to think of them as fatty nipples. 
• At some point, your nipples may start to leak. Your spouse may find this to be really disgusting. Depending on where you are in your bi-polar cycle, you may find his reaction really amusing, or it may make you cry. Again. 
• The bathroom becomes your best friend. Peeing has never felt so good. At least that's what you thought when you went 4 times ago. All in the space of an hour. Now you hate the bathroom. As you're walking to the bathroom AGAIN, you resent having to go AGAIN and want to punch it in the face. Until you go pee and feel better. Then the bathroom is yet again your best friend.
• You get to a point where your frequent deadly heartburn has you thoroughly convinced that you aren't pregnant with a human baby, but instead you're incubating a fire breathing dragon. 
• Shaving your legs becomes nearly impossible. Every time you accomplish it, you feel as though you've just competed in the Olympics, and therefore deserve a medal. Preferably a chocolate one. 
• You've always heard that your hair grows faster and thicker during pregnancy. They DON'T feel it important to emphasize the fact that that means ALL of your hair. Let that sink in. You thought you knew what prickly legs were after not shaving for 3 days was before. Now you look down after 3 days of not shaving at the tiny sequoia forests that have taken over your legs, and after feeling slightly disgusted, shrug your shoulders and move on with your day. Cause you aren't prepared for the Olympics today. Or tomorrow. Maybe next week sometime.
• Clipping your toenails turns you into the gymnast you always wanted to be as a little girl, but couldn't ever bend that way. Now, you have no choice. It's either that or have raptor claws on your toes. And, to be completely honest, you'll leave your raptor claws alone more than you care to admit. 
• At some point you may look down at your stretch marks and realize that you look like you've been mauled by a bear. Then you remember the fire breathing dragon you're incubating and come to the realization that it must also be clawing you from the inside out (on top of ruining your digestive tract with it's fire).
• You always told yourself you wouldn't be one of THOSE women who waddle. Now, you just embrace it. 
• It may come as a shock when you're walking along, feeling pretty good about yourself being mobile, when you glance over and see that you're keeping pace with an ancient man walking with a walker. And he's only got one leg. And you can't speed up, cause you're already feeling like you're ready to break a sweat. Just embrace it. Just don't ask the man how he's doing today, because even though you probably don't realize it, you're out of breath from walking so fast. Not speaking to him isn't rude, it's preserving a teensy bit of your quickly fading 
• When it comes time to start feeling baby start to move, you will probably drive yourself crazy deciphering if things happening in your body are really baby moving. This will become a similar experience to when you thought you could first see your baby bump. Suddenly your mind will be overtaken with thoughts like: I think my stomach just rumbled from hunger. Or was that baby? Oh, I've got gas bubbles. No wait! That could be baby!! I should ask every woman I see what it felt like for HER when she was pregnant and see if I've had a similar feeling! Talk to all the ladies!!!
• It's common to become really tired again during the third trimester. Except now you can't sleep, cause you can't get comfortable. Which makes you more tired. And irritable. And zombie like. Except I don't think that zombies can be pregnant. And they don't need sleep, so they are never tired. Is feeling envy for a zombie natural? During pregnancy, yes. Yes it is. 
• As you get closer to the end of your pregnancy, people will make comments about how huge you are, and you must be SO CLOSE to being done. When you have to respond that no, you actually still have 6 weeks left, you may feel sad inside. And want to cry. Feeling sad is or angry ok. Pretending to punch the offender in the face in your mind is ok. Actually doing it is not ok. Sad, but true. 
• Feeling baby move is my FAVORITE thing. Hands down. Coolest. Feeling. Ever. It makes me sad that my husband can't feel it the same as me, but I'm glad that he can at least feel him from the outside. 

Those are all the ones I have for now. Feel free to add any that you may think of! 

Placenta Encapsulation- To do or not to do?

    So to start, I have to say that I love the medical world. I'm fascinated by all the amazing things that can be done with the human body, and how much progress is made in that field every year. In my personal life, I've had LOTS of interactions with the medical world. Emphasis on the word LOTS.

    Now, many of my friends are very into the natural medicine world. I don't judge or disagree, it's just generally a different approach than what I take. I personally seem to get better results with modern medicine than I do with natural medicine.

    With it getting closer and closer to my due date, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what will happen once he's arrived. How things will change, what we should prepare for, etc. One of the thoughts that haunts me is if I will experience postpartum depression, and to what extent. On both sides of my extended family, almost every single woman has experienced post-part depression to some degree or another. Both my mom and sister have not only experience postpartum depression, they've also experienced postpartum psychosis. Talk about terrifying! So I've got genetics working against me I think, which is no good. On top of that, I've experienced bouts of depression a few times in my life that needed medication to treat, so that's probably working against me too. SO.....all of that got me thinking. And talking. And researching. And I kept coming back to one thing:

Placenta Encapsulation

   So you may see that and wonder "what the heck?!? Is that what I think it is?!?!?". And my answer to you would be, well if you think I'm talking about getting my placenta turned into pills and taking them, then yes. Yes it IS what you are thinking. Now, some of you make shake your head in disgust. Others may have a look of terror on their face. But maybe a few of you are thinking that's great! Haha. At least I can hope, right?

    Now before those of you who have the look of disgust on your face get too carried away and want to vomit, at least I'm not talking about frying my placenta in a pan and eating it. Or tossing it in a blender and making a placenta smoothie. Yeah, those would probably make me have a similar look of disgust. But let me tell you about placenta encapsulation and why I think it may be a good thing for me.

    Here is a blurb from one of the many websites I've been looking at:

Did you know there is a supplement you can take after birth that:

• Is completely safe for your nursing baby?
• Can significantly decrease postpartum bleeding?
• Helps your uterus return to it’s pre-pregnancy size within a couple of weeks?
• Enriches your milk and ensures an abundant supply?
• Smooths out the postpartum hormonal “crash”?
• Can prevent or reduce postpartum depression, naturally and safely?
• Can be taken for PMS, Menopause, or other hormonal imbalances?
• Was made by your body, and is therefore able to specifically address your hormonal and physical needs after giving birth?
• It’s Your Placenta!

    I underlined and bolded the line about postpartum, since that is really the issue at hand for me. 

Here's another little blurb that caught my attention.

"Use the placenta to help with your postpartum recovery. Your own placenta, made into capsules, is incredibly nutritious and beneficial to you. Women who take their placenta capsules tend to have better postpartum experiences, avoid the baby blues, have an increase in energy, and an increase in milk production. Traditional Chinese Medicine has used placenta for centuries to treat issues such as fatigue and insufficient lactation, and scientific studies have bolstered the use of placenta for these conditions. Using the placenta for your postpartum recovery is a very easy and natural way to help you feel better after the birth."

    Doesn't sound too bad of a deal does it? If something helps, why not use it? Even if it does seem strange and "witch doctor-y" as one of my friends put it. Basically we would save the placenta after I deliver, and Ryan would take it to the "Placenta Lady", who would do all the magical things to it to transform it into pills. We would them pick up the pills and I would start taking them. It isn't much different than an herbal supplement, right? I'm pretty sure that as long as I don't google images of how it's turned from placenta (bloody, squishy, scary blob thing) into non-scary normal looking pills, I think I can handle it. I know it's not conventional per se, and not something that is publicly known about or approved of by the standard population. But I'm thinking that if it does in fact help me with postpartum, then it would be worth it. And if it does all the other stuff for me too, that's just an added bonus! 

   Have any of YOU had any experience with placenta encapsulation? Positive? Negative? I'd love to hear it!